For some reason I’ve been really in tune with my thoughts and feelings this year and I’ve been trying to figure out why certain things that use to be so exciting have lost their thrill. Since the beginning of this year’s holiday season, I’ve been trying to figure out where my love for Christmas went and how to bring it back and this is what I have come up with.
As a child I was always surrounded by family during the holidays and even into college, when I would come back home I would come back to family and familiarity. As the years have gone by my family has become very spread out due to the death of my grandparents and everyone going their own separate ways as they start their own families and start their own traditions. I’ve also noticed that when I’m out in stores and around the city, not much is decorated, you don’t really hear Christmas music and life goes on as usual.
As an adult, the holiday season turns into a burden. It just adds another checklist to our lives of checklists and stress draped in bright lights and pointy red hats. We stress over who’s getting what? How am I going to buy all this stuff? What are my travel plans?? Not to mention trying to party every other day which means more gifts!!!!!
This year I decided that despite the madness of the season, that I was going to enjoy and soak in every bit of this Christmas season. I decided that I was going to get back to the basic things that I loved about Christmas, and thats enjoying the scenery and having fun with my friends and family.
To set my Christmas spirit into motion, I started playing my holiday songs and went on a shopping spree (in the thrift store) for any christmas sweater or t-shirt I could find. I put up my tree and threw lights all around my house I invited my parents down to visit me. We did a little holiday shoppings, went to the AHHMAZING Christmas program at my church, took holiday pictures and hung out. Then I went and saw Christmas lights and in between stopped by an ugly sweater party and a white elephant party.
I am satisfied with the outcome of following my decision to slow down and enjoy life because I am determined to enjoy Christmas this year… and so far, I’m having a great time!!
I feel inadequate. I don’t understand why I can’t just be prettier, smarter, more
creative, more social. If only I could dress better, be better, do better… I know my parents have some pretty good genes so I know I’m cute but that’s not enough. I wish I could just go out and live carefree. I wish I didn’t care what they thought about me but I want them to and I need them to like me.
Whoa!!Did I just go off her? Was I mad?Resentful? Threatened? Who cares? I got my point across…I think?There’s no point in scrolling on Insta…it only shines light on how good I’m not. Let me just sit in the house…it’s too much to go out.Maybe if I don’t see them…they won’t see me.
Hello. My name is Lenesha and I have Inferiority Complex.
Let me just try accept this invite…it can’t be that bad. Oooh I think they like me. Idk I
think its a front, they waited until I was gone to judge me. This outfit is cute…but she looks better in it. (hang it up) Oh you’re engaged? Congrats!!! Youjust had a baby?Awww how special. Wow. Your boyfriend showered you in gifts…. Awesome -___- whats that like? Must be nice. “Be happy for them Neesh” I’m trying…im just worried I’ll never know what its like.
Hello. My name is Nesha and I am overcoming Inferiority Complex.
I’m diving into my dreams and passions! If I fail, at least I tried. If I succeed… it’s because I TRIED!! I come to the table with something substantial to
give. Do I have the whole table? Maybe, maybe not, but I’m contributing. Do I have all the answers? No, but I’m willing to offer what I have. I’m beautiful! I’m smart! I’m who God wants me to be. If you like me cool. If you don’t…well that’s on you. Head up. Chest out. Smile beaming!
Hello. My name is Neesh and I overcame Inferiority Complex.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
In the state of our city in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, so many people lost so much but somehow the devastation is only seen in the damage left around the city and not in the faces or personalities of those effected. There are so many people out helping others and saying everything is fine when its not. Those same people who are selflessly volunteering go home every night with burdens all their own.
Some are out helping while they’ve had to gut their own home and pull up to their belongings on the curb because its been damaged. Some were out helping others then arrive to a powerless and/or waterless home. Some may not have any damage to their home however the damage they suffer is emotional or mental. Regardless of how much physical damage was caused by this storm I honestly believe the emotional damage needs just as much repair.
I guess I’m just here to say that it’s ok to say “No” when you’re asked if you’re ok. It’s ok to turn off the news for a bit.It’s ok to sit and soak it all in. A lot has happened. It’s ok to cry because THIS IS OVERWHELMING. It’s perfectly ok to feel however you are feeling.
Take care of yourself
Recently I decided to take a step back from social media because I realized that I was entirely way too focused on other people's lives. This wasn't the first time that I had done this but this was the first time I actually analyzed why. I noticed that I was spending hours a day scrolling on my IG feed, Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat and back again looking at my "friends" live their lives. I've had conversations with my friends who are parents about their kids watching other kids play
with the same toys that they have at home on Youtube meanwhile their toys are either left untouched or played with exactly how someone else played with them. To me this is no different than adults and social media. We're sitting there watching our peers play with our toys all while we either neglect our toys (gifts, talents, resources etc.) while ours go untouched or we try to emulate what someone else is doing to gain success.
We all know that if we didn't get a ticket to a concert, it's ok. We'll probably see every leg of the tour through Facebook Live, Instagram Live or SnapChat. (I've definitely been guilty of this.) You missed your friends birthday, no worries you can attend the same way. Weddings and Funerals aren't even safe which leads me to ask the question "Are you even paying attention and enjoying where you are?" Seriously, I've seen your kids off to school, went on your anniversary with you, I've even seen some of y'alls legs in the tub for bath time. (Don't act like you don't know the famous "me time" snap).
Social media is great for entertainment, networking, keeping up with family and friends in such a mobile time but don't miss the beautiful things happening right in front of you while you're so focused on someone else's beautiful thing.
rent, light bill, car note, cable, internet, groceries, sallie mae, water.
Triggered? I am.
THOSE ARE BILLS! For anybody who didn’t recognize what all those words had in common.
And for those of you who are familiar with those words, I too would like to know why we wanted to be grown so bad…and also why we have to pay for water(but thats a topic for another day). No but really, what were we thinking?????? We wanted to be able to stay up all night, yet here we are watching the clock for our bed time so we can dive straight into the bed. We wanted to be grown so we could buy all the snacks and sodas but now that we get to go to the store and get WHATEVER we want, we’re searching for super fruits and vegetables so we can “eat clean”. We thought when we were grown we were going to be able to literally do anything we wanted. Lol jokes on us.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be the age I am but I know I’m not the only one that looks back and thinks “I had it made”. Slept in a house I didn’t have to pay for. Ate food and wore clothes I didn’t buy. Ran water way too long that I thought was free. THE LIFE!
If I could talk to my younger self, I would tell her to keep playing with those dolls, get in all the naps you can, enjoy that salad mama put on your plate and enjoy your childhood.
It doesn’t last long baby girl.
Hello, My name is Neesh and I’m socially
How many times have you gone to a kickback, club, birthday dinner and there’s that one person who just doesn’t quite fit in to the group.
They try to introduce themselves and stutter and fumble on their words. They try to make small talk, it falls flat. Then they usually end up “texting” or scrolling on their phone and when it’s time to go it feels like:
That person is me…
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten choked up on my words when trying to have “casual conversation” in fear of saying the wrong thing or sounding weird. Then the conversation turns into one awkward long pause followed by a couple of words…another awkward pause…and some more words until somebody finds any excuse to walk away.
As I’ve gotten older and finally managed to have decent conversations, I’ve realized that there are more socially awkward people than I thought. Some people have just gotten better at masking it than others. I also found out that I wasn’t the only one out here feeling like:
Thanks to social media, it’s easier for us to seem social without really having to do much besides post a few cool pictures and memes every now and again but the truth always comes out when we are forced with that face to face interaction. So if you see me in public and I don’t speak, its not because I’m rude…It’s because I’m not the best at social interactions.
But then theres always this to keep in mind:
So I’ll just keep being my awkward self!