So here I am at a fork trying to figure out what to do next…I see everyone around me living out my dreams and I don’t understand why I’m not getting these opportunities. Yes, everyone says what God has for you is for you but in my mind, I’m like a toddler screaming “God you’re giving all of my things away! “..
Let me introduce myself… I’m Neesh, a 20something living in Houston trying to navigate through life. I’m a teacher by day and a dreamer by night. I became a teacher kind of by fluke accident but here I am 4 years in this profession. I love the kids I do but it’s not enough.
Let’s go back even further, I was a comm major in college with dreams of being a music producer, PR specialist, something…not a TEACHER?! Somewhere along the line I gave up on my dream because I felt it was too hard and I wanted to be “successful” NOW and sad to say I’m regretting it now.
I’m sure you didn’t come here to read about my complaints so let’s move forward.
I’m starting this blog to wake up the writer in me and share my view as I navigate through this crazy world. So be prepared to laugh with me, cry with me and cringe with me as I share my experiences!
Let’s talk about filters. They’re everywhere. Honestly, I don’t think very many of my followers on Snapchat and IG know what I look like anymore because I know for a fact that I’m addicted to filters. JkJk I kid I kid
I’m addicted so much so that when I take a filterless picture I’m kind of disappointed with my actual face. Crazy! I know. I wasn’t sure if that disappointment was something that I wanted to share with everyone but I know I can’t be the only one that’s been there.
Those filters have a way of making flawed skin flawless, changing your eye color, giving you a full set of lashes and giving you a face beat to the gawds. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve left the house makeup less and no one would know because my snap filters saved the day lmao. It’s funny but scary all at the same time.
I may be getting to deep or thinking too hard but I see filters (giving us flawless faces and what not) are just adding the pressures we’re already getting from the media of being your best self at all times.
But I digress…
I totally understand the entertainment end of filters and probably over do it but I also foresee some image issues arising from the convenience of altering your face for photos but the dose of reality when you look in the mirror and are not who you portray to be. I’m sure there are some who get lost in the fantasy of filters to mask insecurities but the inability to carry that mask into their reality.
Filters,wherever they are are fun but be careful not to lose yourself in the fun.
And with that being said…
What better way to end this post, than add a shameless plug🤗..
Follow me on SnapChat: Theonlyneesh
In the state of our city in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, so many people lost so much but somehow the devastation is only seen in the damage left around the city and not in the faces or personalities of those effected. There are so many people out helping others and saying everything is fine when its not. Those same people who are selflessly volunteering go home every night with burdens all their own.
Some are out helping while they’ve had to gut their own home and pull up to their belongings on the curb because its been damaged. Some were out helping others then arrive to a powerless and/or waterless home. Some may not have any damage to their home however the damage they suffer is emotional or mental. Regardless of how much physical damage was caused by this storm I honestly believe the emotional damage needs just as much repair.
I guess I’m just here to say that it’s ok to say “No” when you’re asked if you’re ok. It’s ok to turn off the news for a bit.It’s ok to sit and soak it all in. A lot has happened. It’s ok to cry because THIS IS OVERWHELMING. It’s perfectly ok to feel however you are feeling.
Take care of yourself
As you all may know many coastal cities in Texas are in a state of crisis. Hurricane Harvey came with no intention to play. Luckily I was able to “evacuate” from Houston due to previous plans to leave but many people are stuck with no way out. I’m trying to stay calm and keep from getting anxious about what is happening but I turn on the news and social media and see images like:
And that sky rockets my anxiety, especially when I start seeing areas close to my home.
But then I keep scrolling and see images like:
Seeing this makes me realize that like every other unfortunate event, we choose to make light and laugh to get over the stress and terror racing through our brains. I see #Hurricaneparty and #hurricaneplaylists everywhere and it feels like everyone is trying to make light of it because they ran out and got water, non perishables and a flashlight and feel like they’re prepared.
NEWS FLASH: Its a NATURAL DISASTER!!!!!! No matter how prepared you think you are there is no way to plan properly for this. No one knows what this storm is going to do or where its going to go. The meteorologists can only predict by patterns but that still isn’t always accurate.
I said all of this to say, pray for those who are effected by this horrible storm and for those being effected, take care of yourselves and your families FIRST. Things can always be replaced but you cannot.
Recently I decided to take a step back from social media because I realized that I was entirely way too focused on other people's lives. This wasn't the first time that I had done this but this was the first time I actually analyzed why. I noticed that I was spending hours a day scrolling on my IG feed, Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat and back again looking at my "friends" live their lives. I've had conversations with my friends who are parents about their kids watching other kids play
with the same toys that they have at home on Youtube meanwhile their toys are either left untouched or played with exactly how someone else played with them. To me this is no different than adults and social media. We're sitting there watching our peers play with our toys all while we either neglect our toys (gifts, talents, resources etc.) while ours go untouched or we try to emulate what someone else is doing to gain success.
We all know that if we didn't get a ticket to a concert, it's ok. We'll probably see every leg of the tour through Facebook Live, Instagram Live or SnapChat. (I've definitely been guilty of this.) You missed your friends birthday, no worries you can attend the same way. Weddings and Funerals aren't even safe which leads me to ask the question "Are you even paying attention and enjoying where you are?" Seriously, I've seen your kids off to school, went on your anniversary with you, I've even seen some of y'alls legs in the tub for bath time. (Don't act like you don't know the famous "me time" snap).
Social media is great for entertainment, networking, keeping up with family and friends in such a mobile time but don't miss the beautiful things happening right in front of you while you're so focused on someone else's beautiful thing.
rent, light bill, car note, cable, internet, groceries, sallie mae, water.
Triggered? I am.
THOSE ARE BILLS! For anybody who didn’t recognize what all those words had in common.
And for those of you who are familiar with those words, I too would like to know why we wanted to be grown so bad…and also why we have to pay for water(but thats a topic for another day). No but really, what were we thinking?????? We wanted to be able to stay up all night, yet here we are watching the clock for our bed time so we can dive straight into the bed. We wanted to be grown so we could buy all the snacks and sodas but now that we get to go to the store and get WHATEVER we want, we’re searching for super fruits and vegetables so we can “eat clean”. We thought when we were grown we were going to be able to literally do anything we wanted. Lol jokes on us.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be the age I am but I know I’m not the only one that looks back and thinks “I had it made”. Slept in a house I didn’t have to pay for. Ate food and wore clothes I didn’t buy. Ran water way too long that I thought was free. THE LIFE!
If I could talk to my younger self, I would tell her to keep playing with those dolls, get in all the naps you can, enjoy that salad mama put on your plate and enjoy your childhood.
It doesn’t last long baby girl.
Hello, My name is Neesh and I’m socially awkward…
How many times have you gone to a kickback, club, birthday dinner and there’s that one person who just doesn’t quite fit in to the group.
They try to introduce themselves and stutter and fumble on their words. They try to make small talk, it falls flat. Then they usually end up “texting” or scrolling on their phone and when it’s time to go it feels like:
That person is me…
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten choked up on my words when trying to have “casual conversation” in fear of saying the wrong thing or sounding weird. Then the conversation turns into one awkward long pause followed by a couple of words…another awkward pause…and some more words until somebody finds any excuse to walk away.
As I’ve gotten older and finally managed to have decent conversations, I’ve realized that there are more socially awkward people than I thought. Some people have just gotten better at masking it than others. I also found out that I wasn’t the only one out here feeling like:
Thanks to social media, it’s easier for us to seem social without really having to do much besides post a few cool pictures and memes every now and again but the truth always comes out when we are forced with that face to face interaction. So if you see me in public and I don’t speak, its not because I’m rude…It’s because I’m not the best at social interactions.
But then theres always this to keep in mind:
So I’ll just keep being my awkward self!